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Sunday, May 8, 2016

To Rekindle or Not to Rekindle

That's the damn question.

I woke from an odd dream at 1:30 this morning. In it, I was renewing a friendship with Cheri. This would be Cheri of majorly clueless, stratospherically self involved fame. Why? Why would I want to be chums again with someone so astoundingly, blitheringly self absorded – a person who reliably proved that she was completely unable to set aside her own drama, even for five damn minutes, for a friend in need. Ya know – moi, yurs truly.

I’ve had this dream before – where Cheri and I, happily, meet and revive our connection. I don’t understand. What is this pull to jump back into her human shaped quicksand pit? Am I feeling masochistic? Am I feeling lonely? Am I channeling my mother’s long held delusion about me – that I've few if any friends?

No, no and no. So what up?
Jen and TAB weren't up yet (OF COURSE!) so I consulted Google and found this post at Elite Daily, It’s Been Too Long: 7 Reasons Why You Should Reconnect With Old Friends. There’s fluffy filler copy below each of the seven points. You can read that at the link. Me? I’m just gonna address the main bits.
1. At the very least, you'll experience a hint of nostalgia – everybody loves nostalgia.
Eh, nostalgia lies – in general and in specific. Life wasn’t any easier, sweeter, simpler or brighter when I was younger and most certainly not vis-à-vis my friendship with Cheri. Was it all bad – was the relationship a toxic horror show all the damn time? No, no of course not BUT I’m hard-pressed to come up with a pearlescently pretty memory of her.
2. It's fascinating to see how our roads diverge over time, taking those that were once close to us to opposite sides of the world.
 Yes. This. I really, truly want to know how things have turned out for her. Did her marriage survive? Things looked bleak but maybe not terminal when we’d last talked. Did she ever make use of her law degree? Did her children grow up to be more emotionally stable than her or her husband? Seems sadly unlikely.

I honestly hope things got better for her – that she found inner peace and a good shrink.
3. They'll remind you of the person you once were and will allow you to better judge the person you have become.
Well now, there’s a thought but I don’t think I need to be Cheri’s unpaid Freudian shrink again to figure this one out.
4. It may convince you that you knew how to find real friends better when you were younger than you do now.
Nope. Back in my younger days, it was certainly a simpler matter to meet fairly likeminded folks. I fell into things – going to The Rat, T.T.’s, The Middle East, the latest party or art opening with work pals. We were unencumbered by marriage, kids and suburban commutes. People were plentiful but I can't say that I was terribly talented at knowing who was or wasn't a real friend.
5. On the other hand, you may realize that your judgment has improved significantly with time.
Oh yeah – wickedly so!
6. It's not unthinkable that you may reconnect and continue the friendship.
In this case, I just can’t see it happening. Not with Cheri. Who knows though?
7. Friends are a fundamental part of our lives – there should be a reason for either letting them go or keeping them around.
Yes true. I had a spectacular reason for letting Cheri go. Do I have one for inviting her back in? Is morbid curiosity enough?

Oooo wait, wait, WAIT – I’ve got the answer to this one! No, not enough. Would that be my only reason though? I don't have the answer to that yet.

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