Early Onset Fōn Death

Yes, I broke my new phone while trying to set it up. *sigh* You’re SO not shocked – are you? I can tell. I’m not but still, I'm horribly angry with myself. What a galumphing idiot!

I was trying to pull out the SIM card tray. This was not as smooth and easy as I’d expected OR hoped. I must’ve yanked hard or something because the damn thing just vanished. Seriously. I got on my hands and knees, flashlight in hand, and searched. It’s nowhere.

Maybe the stupid, fiddly bit collapsed in on itself – you know, all its atoms maybe imploded. It could happen, right?! This makes total sense to me. Now, after giving up my search, I inserted the SIM card into the space where the tray used to be (seemed logical at the time, dammit!) and it too vanished. I believe I’ve got a wee black hole inside my iPhone now. Perchance Mister Stephen Hawking should come visit me, have a look, break new theoretical cosmological ground and shit.
Another possibility – this phone is the devil and its goal here is to fuck with me and make me feel failure-esque. When I feel low enough, I'll join him on the Dark Side (da da dum!) Nice try, fucker but I’m on to your vile tricks! Mind you, as a devout agnostic, I’m not convinced of the existence of angels or demons. So….ummmm…there’s that.

Could this actually be a Chinese puzzle box, not a phone at all? I SO suck at puzzles!

Maybe this is a Christmas ornament version of an iPhone? Ya know, not an actual, functioning cell.(It's got the non-functioning part down cold. Just FYI.)

Or maybe I’m just a stunningly talented, level 40 klutz. Yup, I think that’s it.

I’ll head down to the Apple store at the South Shore Plaza mall at 9:30 so’d I’m first in line for the Genius Bar. I love this store. There’s always at least one worker bee on hand who knows my adopted language (ASL) OR knows enough to fire up a voice recog text doc.

Damn, I hope they can fix this!