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Saturday, December 24, 2016

Ophthalmology Hell

I went to bed and to sleep astoundingly early last night. Naturally this meant that I woke at midnight and could NOT fall back into SlumberVille. Luckily Rocco's on the job. He leaped to my side and asked (rilly he did!) Was ist los?

Well, I explained, it takes FOR-fucking-evah to recover from those damn dilating drops the docs put in my eyes. I'm all tired but jangly too. That and yesterday’s neuro-ophthalmology appointment which should have taken no more than an hour and a half (based on past performance) took over THREE motherfucking hours! This was NOT due to the the new guy being extra special thorough and shit, no. First, he was 40 minutes late in calling me in. Second, for the overwhelming bulk of the analysis I was relegated to one of his baby docs. Third, there was way more sit-and-wait time between various tests, putting pupil expanding driblets in and more gazing-into-my-peepers action by both baby and King Doc. I wondered if they'd forgotten I was even there.

Not even in my very first time with Lessell or in that year of heinous double vision have I ever had such a long, drawn out irritating visit.

Gotta say though…that baby doc? She really was meticulously observant in her exam and note taking. More so than Rizzo even. She discovered scarring on my left cornea. I was gawping over her shoulder as she typed and read this as well as her recommendation that I see a cornea specialist. Rizzo, in the fast, quickie look-see that he finally came in to do, did not take note of this or mention it. Before he could duck out I did my old crossing guard maneuver – held up my hand and said, WAIT, I understand I’ve considerable scarring on my cornea and should see a specialist. Can you address this?

He did. Yeah, you’ve got some nasty scarring there. That’s IT! He dashed out. Baby Doc told me that the receptionist out front would hook me up with a cornea dude/dudette. I see Dr. Dana, who looks like a big, important cheese, in February.

OK then.

Aaaand during the multitudinous wait times, I was directed to sit in the waiting room where a big screen had CNN (WITH closed captioning) playing, showing all the Trump idiocies and atrocities du jour. I only mention it but reading von Clownstick's arms race blustering is NOT an effective way to calm down nervous and annoyed patients.

All in all, it was a long, very frustrating experience, heavily overlaid with my deep sorrow over Lessell’s death and my beautiful, Amazing Bob’s absence. If THEY were here I could handle anything! Yeah, yeah, I can cope no matter what BUT everything’s so much scarier now.

Dunno if I’ll stick with Rizzo or look for someone new. He's the head of the department so getting a new, better neuro-ophthalmologist would probably involve exploring a different hospital. Intimidating but then, I’ve never been keen on Mass Eye and Ear’s Eye departments. Apart from the late great Simmons Lessell, the lot of them seem to have a glaring lack of empathy and business sense. 

Pissing off your très vulnerable patients is a good way to lose them. Just FYI and shit.

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