Awake, Awake

From Elves & Fairies by Ida Rentoul Outhwaitee

Kvetch, piss, moan...

I was up half the night with a back ache. WTF is this all about? I was tossing back the Tylenol like M&Ms to no fucking avail. What's the cause. I am, beyond doubt, a gentle exerciser.

So, once more with feeling WTF!?

Is this what getting older’s all about? Aches and pains without obvious spark?

I’m six months away from crossing that dreaded Rubicon of 60 *EEK* There’ll be no denying advanced-years reality at that point. What happens after I make shore at the beginning of my seventh *gasp* decade on this big blue spinning orb?

Will I become even more irascible? UNpossible!
Will I lose my love of spicy food and develop a yen for tasteless puddings?
Will I keep my cottage’s heat at a suffocating 72º year ‘round?
Will I have a daily, scheduled nap?
Bingo? Bridge, Pinochle and Canasta? Majong? Are these in my immediate future?
If I still had hearing would I listen only to Classic Rock and, specifically, Dire Straits and the Eagles? (FYI, NO. It’d be NIN, Beatles, Pearl Jam, Jeff Beck, early Rod Stewart, Talking Heads and Captain Beefheart…thenkyewveddymuch!)

I already forget names (always have actually), eat dinner ridiculously early (OK, mebbe it’s a very late lunch and then I skip supper since I’m not hungry anymore). I'm easily overwhelmed by tech stuff, take 1,003 pills each morning (mostly vitamins, K?), usually read mysteries and sci fi, I like reruns (Mary Tyler Moore, MASH, Buffy!, Firefly! Battlestar Galactica!) and bitch constantly. My complaining is, granted, primarily about politics, painfully obtuse, inconsiderate and self-important stupid people and bad service. I’ve yet to reach the Hey-you-kids-get-off-my-lawn stage of life. Will I be there in six months? I'd kinda bet on it.

Will I stop wearing tie dye? I’m already wearing, most days, boring-ass sensible shoes (because, if I wear my silver Chuck Taylors every single day, my feet hurt, dammit!) Will I wear my glasses on a chain around my neck and STILL “lose” them? (probably)

Just so ya know, on the tech front, I sorted out my Photoshop prob – all by my ownself too. My computer’s ALL better now. MAYBE, despite my grossly advanced and advancing years, I can still solve knotty tech probs, glory in hot, HOT food, find my glasses and be all hippied up, fashion plate-y.

Yup, I'm gonna be my own brand of old. Yeah, yur way shocked. //snort//