Day Five

Low tide and Raccoon Island

This is the beginning of day five sans Ten. My almost-a-tiny home seems vast and echo-y without him.

As I mentioned earlier, he had to go back to Oregon to handle some family biz. He’ll be gone for a few months or so and – MON FUCKING DIEU – I miss him serious and bad!

I expect he arrived at his son’s house late yesterday and will sleep for 24 straight hours. Likely longer.

Yesterday, while he was motoring down through Cascadia, I ramped up my courage and took a long walk ALL BY MYSELF! I concentrated, tried not to get all distracted by the beauty, put one foot in front t’other and didn’t fall – not even once! Yea me.

I need to take these walkies daily in order to rebuild strength AND offset my crab rangoon and popcorn habit. It was a rainy day so there was next to nobody out – no need to, mask on, dash behind trees and bushes to maintain social distancing. FYI, six feet is NOT nearly socially distant enough fer yurs truly. I’m more comfortable with, say, a Manhattan city block length or two.

My ability to focus, while inside the house, is still pretty much shattered, so the clean and organize spree continues. I discovered more than a dozen different industrial strength cleaning products buried under shopping bags and bubble wrap beneath the kitchen sink. Huh. If I want to follow Prez Stupid’s plague cure advice, I’m ALL set! Oh yeah…I can make all the kitchen surfaces gleamingly OR ready too.

What will I scrub and purge today? Desk and kitchen drawers? Bathroom cupboards? OR will I brave the deep dark corners of the basement? What will I do when I run out of shit to tidy and/or toss?

Probably paint more, start working in clay again, doodle and, hopefully, get back on my trike.

I found this pic (at right) yesterday. It's me on the beach at Lighthouse Point Park in New Haven, Connecticut. I was two years old. Am I not the KAH-uuutest little rug rat or WUT? There was also a note in mia madre’s hand which described how, on a shopping expedition in some department store, she was distracted by something and didn’t notice that I was no longer trailing behind her like a good little duckling. She went searching through the aisles, finally finding me sprawled on the floor, mid-aisle with shoppers carefully stepping around me, as I crayoned up my coloring book.

Me at five

OH, to once again have that tune-out-the-world ability!

Also FYI, looks-wise, I think I peaked at two…maybe five.

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart – live in the question.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Sometime I wrestle with my inner demons.
Other times, we just hug and eat cheesecake.
~ anonymous

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.
~ Fran Lebowitz

Yeah, fuck you Fran – Imma keep looking.