Klutz Flops and the Old Broad

 The road to hell is paved with adverbs.
~ Stephen King

¿Que? I must vociferously disagree with this. //giggle, snort, see what I did there?//

There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep.
~ Homer

And a time for silently, without a thought in my bean, lying in bed with a purring cat on my tum-tum.

I’ve fallen a couple times in the last few days. Nothing devastating. No ER trips. In fact both splats were sort of, as Ten put it, in slow motion. AND I fell on my butt – a lot of padding there. Still, both splats were jarring on my poor, beleaguered spine. This means I’ve been racking up more rack time lately. HOW exciting!

Two steps forward and one and a half back – the story of me and this recovery shit.

Luckily, while back in bed, I had Sharyn McCrumb’s Bimbos of the Death Sun to keep me company. Despite the name, it has nothing to do with women of easy virtue or dying stars. It’s a silly, fun murder mystery set in a sci-fi/fantasy convention.

An attendee, who’s thinking about becoming a famous sci-fi writer (but hasn’t composed so much as a paragraph yet) asks one of the con's writers a bunch of inane questions. Fer instance, how much of your household expenses can you write off on your taxes. Author Guy responds with:

Being a professional writer is a lot like being a hooker. You'd better find out if you're any good at it before you start charging for it.

There’s a Star Trek themed wedding The guests need to ID their bride/groom relation at the door.

 “Romulan or Vulcan?' the ushers asked each guest.

Marion, who had been poised to say 'friends of the bride' had responded to the question with an open-mouthed stare, and Jay Omega answered, 'Klingon!" which got them seats in the back row of the Romulan side.”

I think you need to be a stone Trekkie to laugh yur ass off over that one (like me).

 A confused Scottish folksinger makes an appearance wondering WTF!

It couldn't be the beer. Donnie McRory was certain of that. If you sent American beer out to be analyzed, the lab would probably phone up and say, 'Your horse has diabetes."

I believe I’ll look at the used book websites for the second in this (Jay Omega) series, Zombies of the Gene Pool. Honestly, with a title like that, I don’t need to read more before I buy!

Having an amusing book really helps me remain flat on my healing back AND it keeps me from doomsurfing…for the most part.

Life ... is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
~ William Shakespeare, Macbeth

CLEARLY, Shakespeare was a time traveler and had seen this age of sycophantic, greedheaded, stratospherically hypocritical Republi/Fascists and their insane orange god-puppet.

I’ve just begun Tom Holt’s Flying Dutch. (the first story of two in the Dead Funny collection)

It's amazing the problems drinking can get you into. One little swig from the wrong bottle and you go from being an ordinary Dutch sea-captain to an unhappy immortal, drifting around the world with your similarly immortal crew.

I think this one’s gonna be a winner as well.

My big goal for today is to peddle a minimum of three minutes on the elliptical. I won’t walk to the seawall too as that might be a bridge too far just yet.

SEE, I can SO take things slow and allow my back to heal! Mebbe...we'll see.