First?

What's up with today STILL being called Columbus Day?

Not only did Columbus NOT “discover” America, he, in point of fact, never set foot in, what would later be known as North America. He first went to the Bahamas, where he tortured, enslaved and killed off most of the people who called the Caribbean home. From there he moved on to fuck with the Spanish conquistadors (who were in the process of destroying both the Aztecs and Incas) in Central and South America. Columbus was, at best and to say the rock bottom minimum, a johnny-come-lately asswipe.

Meanwhile, Leif Erikson reached Newfoundland in 1000 A.D.—just about five centuries before Columbus the Shitstain invaded the Caribbean islands. Mind you, Mister Erikson wasn’t looking to make friends—him and his buds were after quick easy riches, nothing more. The Inuit, Innu, and Mi’kmaq were having none of that garbage though.

Oh but even before Leif-honey, way back in the Sixth Century, legend has it that Saint Brendan of Ireland sailed to North America on a currach—a wood-framed boat covered with animal skin. His alleged journey is detailed in the ancient annals of Ireland.

Even the Chinese were reportedly here before asshole boy.

Bottom line? This continent was totally wesgowa'sit (Mi’kmaq for occupied) and Columbus was just an assholian shitheel who was just totally late to the invade and steal party.

On that note, I’m ALL in favor of today being renamed Indigenous People’s Day. A holiday for everyone. Sadly, Jen has to work today. I told her that Ten and Oni would write her excuses for staying home.

Please excuse Jen from work today. She can’t come in because, as a family, we need to mourn the, long ago, loss of this country to the, greedheaded, violent, disease riddled invading hordes.

Capisce?

Now I have Elvis Costello’s New Amsterdam in my head.