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Friday, October 7, 2022


Why is Newticles Gingrich back in the news? The man’s so insignificant and beyond his sell-by date that he should always be referred to dismissively. As in: “Gingrich? What? He’s not still alive, is he?”
An aside—did you know that Kissinger is, as yet, continuing to take up space on this good green earth? Yup, that heinous old war criminal is 99 years old. I hope he’s in a shit-ton of physical and spiritual pain. I hope he’s suffering stabbing remorse for every last atrocity he’s spearheaded. I know—not likely. A girl (okay, old broad) can dream though.
Back to the tax dodging, lie spewing, ethically banjaxed, serial philandering egomaniac.

Maybe Gingrich’s name and homunculoid visage appearing in the news has something to do with Halloween coming up? Honestly now, if you’re handing out candy on All Hallows' Eve, would you open the door for a creature such as this? Him and his animatronic third wife could scare the shit out of a constipated mongoose. The boated bozo makes Freddy Krueger seem like a charming, debonair, Cary Grant-esque specimen. His dear third wife, Chlamydia, makes Stepford Wives look like nature worshipping hippies.

Okay, I think they’re both actually broken Lost in Space alien robots. Ten thinks they’re lizard people (not to dis lizards, mind you). Frankly, I think they both look more like freeze dried albino blob fish.

The Angry Little Attack Muffin’s desperate quest for continued relevance would be embarrassing except, ya know, fuck that disgusting, flourescently pale, heartless Jabba the Hut wannabe.

1 comment:

  1. There really are lizard people, who do you think cooks up the Stepford Clones?

    Seriously, they're lizards, their appearance of humanity an aura those who know see right through. Baby-rapers, baby-blood drinkers, baby-eaters ... they can't help themselves, they're lizards. Break their tail off it grows right back!