Cake and Jen Text

I ran outta gas yesterday. That is, this fried old bod insisted that I take the day off. Warum? Between the greater walk lengths/speed and not having slept more than three hours the previous night, I was a slice of burnt toast.

Me: Cat butt

Jen: Nice buttock Cake!

Cake: Thank you, Jen. Donna never compliments me.

Jen: You poor kitten! I’ll flatter you more when I get home 😍

Cake: Which will be…when exactly? My buddy Ghost was here and Ten, of all humans, had to give him dinner.

(ed. note: Ten is VERY much on top of providing our man Ghost Cat with his midday repast. Cake just enjoys dissing Ten to Jen. It’s all about manipulation and machinations)

Jen: You tell Ghost not to worry! Oni will be home soon with more canned cat food for him :-) Ghost is lucky to have a good friend like you.

 Cake: Phew (on Oni’s imminent arrival) and you’re damn right Ghost’s lucky to have me looking out for him!

Jen: You are on fire Cake!! Love it!

🐈‍

Me: Cake asked if you’re home yet. He wants to play but NOT with me.

Jen: He’s wondering where his staff is?

(another ed. note: Jen always thinks that the cats regard her as nothing more than a servant. You know,' play with me now, Peon.' 'Pick me up and carry me to the bedroom this instant.' 'Drudge, fetch me my breakfast. NO, I require the Tuna Feast with extra gravy this morning, wench!'

Nope. All the cats consider her to be their BFF and, most of the time, no one else’s company will suffice. I’d feel all slighted and shit but, what can I say, our furry friends want what they want. Who am I to disagree?)

Cake: Don’t you love me anymore, Jen? Why are you not here? Did that bitch Donna say something mean to you? COME HOME, I’M SUFFERING HERE!

Jen: Worse than Donna slams, my coworkers made me do UPS this afternoon! How uncivilized!
Donna: 😑 between mouthfuls, Cake said he’s horrified on your behalf and thinks you should come home (he was a bit of a one note nag yesterday).

Jen: Tell him I’m on my way!!! When he’s right, he’s right!

Donna: Can you pick up my meds from CVS on your way home?

Jen: Si—is this Cake or Donna?

Cake: It’s me, Mister Adorbs. The numpty asked me to text as she’s busy doing nada at the mo. Lazy slag—why I put up with her is a complete mystery to me, your favorite feline.

Jen: What a good boy!

Cake: Twatzilla won’t get out of bed so I had no choice.

(Still more ed. notes: Cake lies!)

Jen: Cake, I think you may be the one preventing Donna from getting up.

Cake, insulted, rolled over onto the phone so that neither of us could respond to Jen. After I finally wrestled the cell out from under my Momoa-esque boy, I texted to let her know that Cake had hypnotized me with his coziness rays. Obviously I was unable to rise and address the day. Also, Ten brought me a frosted shortbread cookie which totally sealed the deal. I had a book, cat and cookie—WHY would I get up?! Honestly…

Jen: Clearly you are a tragic victim !!! The cookie really was the final brick in the wall.

(you may have noticed over the years—Jen is exceptionally empathetic and supportive.)

Donna: Am having another cookie in hopes it’ll reverse my lethargy. No luck so far.

Cakeless

Donna: I’ve been abandoned. Now I have to get up ☹️

Jen: Heheheh
💕
I’m disappointed in Cake. He was on a roll, especially with the cookie assist.

Donna: See? GONE! I’m hurt and offended.

Jen: That really ain’t right 🤨

(SEE? What did I just tell you about Jen?!)

Cake: Donna is a giant, smelly, liver eating slug.

Jen: Mr. Adorbs, you owe Donna an apology! Though I suspect she typed that, pretending to be you…. I guess she owes you one.

Cake: She would NEVAH try to impersonate me nor could she ever succeed at such an endeavor!

…soggy wench.

Jen: Hmmmmmm—I’m laughing yet remain suspicious. Your spelling and grammar skills are uncat-like to say the *ahem* least.

Cake: How dare you?! I’ll have you know that I graduated top of my class from an elite feline academy for smart, elite felines. I AM WICKED ELITE AND SMART and shit.

I really shouldn’t have taught him how to text.