Why? My natural state of existence fits handily under most points.
My latest read, 8 Depression Symptoms You Shouldn’t Ignore showed me how pointless and ridiculously panic inducing this choice of reading matter can be.
Symptoms may gradually go from mild, such as choosing to stay home to watch TV instead of going out for a walk with a friend, to more severe, such as not even getting out of bed to shower or persistent thoughts of suicide…
- Trouble sleeping
I’m 64 years old—OF COURSE I have trouble sleeping. That’s something which, regardless of gender, race, religion or nationality, all 64 year olds have in common. Okay, maybe not quite all but I’ve yet to meet an older adult who gently and easily sleeps through the night like a little lambikins. (I’m just guessing that baby sheep have deep and restful slumber times)
- Loss of interest in favorite activities
My favorite activities? Walks, painting, reading rollicking sci-fi and/or mystery stories, travel, museuming, dining out and on and on. I’m still interested but COVID and my dreaded Nf2 have most rudely gotten in the way.
- Increase in energy "Ironically, when depressed people have made a decision to do something drastic, such as killing themselves, they may go from slowed down to far more energetic. That’s because they feel a sense of relief in having come to a resolution."
- Changes in appetite
Sure, I’m eating less lately but that’s, primarily, due
to how little I do each day. (having said that, I've already walked
close to a mile today and it's not yet 10AM). I’m not burning a lot of
fuel. Also, Dairy Freeze is closed for the winter so there’s no soft
serve to be had. Dammit.- Feeling or seeming on edge “In many people, depression can manifest with irritability, impatience, or anxiety and worry.”
“Irritability, impatience, or anxiety and worry” and this would be different from my standard operating procedure….how? Also, the article reads like these are bad things. I resent that and want to speak to the manager.
- Expressions of guilt
I
was raised Catholic—six years of parochial school and everything. My
mother was Italian Catholic. Through both nature and nurture, I’m
hardwired for guilt. Fer fuck’s sake, I felt remorse while still
womb-bound.
- Unexplained physical symptoms
Oh please,
I have Nf2—just about every goddamn twinge or ache could be due to my
vast tumor collection. Why pin it on depression when Nf2 is the usual
and likely culprit? Knowing my disease is not the same as being
depressed.
- An emerging dark side "A person who is severely depressed may become preoccupied with death and other morose topics, the APA notes. For example, they may talk about what things will be like “after I am gone”…"
Reality
is, I’ve had a spectacularly rough few years (or so). The meningiomas
have been kicking my ass all the way to Mars and back on the regular. I
faced the possibility, after the first of this most recent string of
neurosurgeries, that I may not make it through this ocean of shit. I
made a will, designated a healthcare proxy and am continuing my efforts
to tidy up loose ends. This isn’t depression, it’s pragmatism. Also,
dotting my “i”s, crossing my “t”s and reducing the amount of unneeded
stuff sitting around the house makes me feel lighter, more clear.
There’s
a difference between feeling sad from time to time and being depressed.
Sadness is a normal response to loss, disappointment and other
bullshit.
Depression is a common mental disorder. Globally, it is estimated that 5% of adults suffer from the disorder. (source)That ain’t chump change. e.g., the population of the U.S. is 331.9 million. 5% of that is 16.6 million. That’s a monster load of depression.
Me? I’m occasionally sad, not depressed.
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