V Day

I don’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day. The Amazing Bob and I occasionally exchanged poems and doodles but more, this day was just another in our long list of excuses to hit Saint Fratelli’s for cake.

Ten and I talked about today. We’re, unsurprisingly, in agreement—it’s a bullshit Hallmark holiday. Not worth the fuss and trouble. Oh sure, we’ll still hit Saint Fratelli’s—we’re not heathens, ya know.

Possibly pagans though.

From Feb. 13 to 15, the Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia. The men sacrificed a goat and a dog, then whipped women with the hides of the animals they had just slain. (Gosh, how utterly dreamy! //snark//)

The Roman romantics "were drunk. They were naked," Noel Lenski, now a religious studies professor at Yale University, told NPR in 2011. Young women would line up for the men to hit them, Lenski said. They believed this would make them fertile. (source)

Men abusing women? Women actually asking for this bullshit treatment? Sounds like this is where fraternities and sororities (AKA, Future Republi/Fascists of America) learned their social skills. Humanity—is there a more bizarre and self-destructive species? Ooo, ooo, I know the answer to this one! No, no there is not a more dimwittedly disastrous species.

Another V day origin—in the third century Emperor Claudius II had two different men (both named Valentine) offed on February 14th (in two separate years).

What did either of these Valentine fellows do to deserve death?

Under the rule of Claudius the Cruel, Rome was involved in many unpopular and bloody campaigns. The emperor had to maintain a strong army, but was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues (puts Putin in mind, doesn’t it?). Claudius believed that Roman men were unwilling to join the army because of their strong attachment to their wives and families. (Loved their wife and kiddles? What colossal nerve!)

To get rid of the problem, Claudius banned all marriages and engagements in Rome. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. (source)

Little is known of the other one, possibly even two, Valentines (must’ve been a popular boy’s name way back then). One was a bishop and the other was maybe a priest in the Roman province of Africa.

When you’re attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.
~ Nora Ephron