I Don't Get It

 This abstract painting hangs in the hallway right outside my cornea specialist’s exam room. It annoys me anew every damn time I see it.

Why? I don’t understand it. Now, you might be thinking, ‘what’s to understand? It’s an abstract.’

Fer fuck’s sake, a nonrepresentational piece can have depth, movement and big meaning whether its colors, lines and shapes mean anything to anyone else besides the artist or not. 

This particular work puzzles the shit outta me. I don’t feel a bit of rhythm or groove from the way the shapes are formed, tinted or placed. The blues, greens and rusts harmonize reasonably but what’s up with the big peach/yellow dick that’s front and center? What about the nausea-lemon frisbee with a grid pattern? Neither element makes a lick of sense (to me) within the whole.

If this were a piece of music it’d be Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun with a loud clown horn playing Wild Cherry over top.

It doesn’t work and I’m tired of looking at it. So there.