|Low tide—taken by Jen this morning|
So, it’s time for me to ditch my lazy morning torpidity and seize the motherfucking dawn. Yeah babies, I can so do this.
Think wisely and look ahead when choosing baby names. After all, your wee bairn won’t be a helpless infant forever. At some point they will evolve into a, possibly sweet yet still annoying, hellion.
For dramatic purposes, specifically when you’re exacerbated with their nonsense du jour, your child should have a two syllable, minimum, first name.
e.g., you’ve asked them 98 times to pick up their toys with no results. You need to snap them out of their reverie. You sternly call their name.
Remember, heavy, serious emphasis on second syllable.
- Donna — Don-NA!
- Richard — Ri-CHARD!
- Linda — Lin-DA!!
The exception to this two syllable rule is on those times when you’re simply livid. This is more likely to happen their tween to teen years though. At that point you’re probably going to shout out their full names. The syllable load should be in the middle.
- ANN MILLICENT CLARK, GET YOUR KEISTER IN HERE THIS INSTANT!
- JOHN JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT, I TOLD YOU TO SHOVEL THE WALK AN HOUR AGO!
- CHRISTOPHER MICHAEL ROBINSON, PUT THAT GAME BOY AWAY NOW!
The key is to find names which work for both age and annoyance levels. It’s all about the rhythm and balance of the sounds. Children’s names need to be versatile. They must be capable of sounding ominous when the occasion arises.
This is why, of course, I feel that Godzilla is the perfect name.
Word for the Day
|Gustave Doré — Les Fées|
Feirie is a Scottish dialectal term that comes from Old English fēre, “able-bodied, fit,” from the noun fōr, “journey, act of going.” Fōr, in turn, is based on the verb faran, “to go on a journey,” meaning that feirie is closely related to English fare, farewell, and wayfarer. Feirie was first recorded in English around the turn of the 15th century. (source)Fine, fine, that’s all well and good BUT the damn word looks much too much like the word faerie. And, as we all well know, fairies and faeries are very different beings.
Both refer to mythical creatures that have supernatural powers. However, 'fairies' are beautiful, kind, generous, and help human beings. 'Faeries', on the other hand, are evil and they cause trouble wherever they go. (source)Of course this could be utter bollocks. In all dreary likelihood, faerie is just an archaic spelling of fairy. As long as I’m kvetching—why are fairies but not faeries always depicted as blondes? Does Laura Ingraham seem like some selfless, delicate, gracious, winged being to you?
Not if you’re sane. I want some damn fairie/faeries who look like me!
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
That’s my name too.
Whenever we go out, the people always shout:
JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT!
Earworm for the last two days so far—probably the rest of my natural life now.
Emmm, you’re welcome?Delete