Things I’m Just Now Noticing

1) The left side of my face appears to be a bit blotated and saggy. The right half is not. Also, the right side has very few wrinkles and a fine cheekbone. The left? I have wrinkles with Grand Canyon aspirations and only the slimmest suggestion of a cheekbone.

This is fucked up, mes amis!

How and when did my face come to be so horror-show-esque? Should I expect zombie Vincent Price to begin appearing beside me when I look in the mirror? I’d lay good money on all my damn brain surgeries having a major league hand in this lopsided face shit. The nerve bundles are kind of tightly packed, so much so that it’s nearly impossible NOT to nick the facial nerve or some other motherfucker when the surgeons are big tumor hunting in my bean.

2) I’m only now feeling a lessening of guilt over not being selflessly über-supportive of my perennially troubled friends, family and acquaintances (who can’t be arsed to return the care on any level). I’ve recognized the relationships' radical imbalance and done all I could to duck doormat-hood—to not be a martyr to another’s self-destruct obsession.

And yet, I feel guilt? What the social distancing fuck!?

I can now quickly id takers. I’m able to avoid being sucked into their drama. This useless guilt though, has been taking its goddamn time evacuating the premises.

3) Have you seen the funny memes about aging?

I have a zillion aches and pains but they all seem to be lovely parting gifts from my dearly departed tumor friends—not age related. This is good, right?

4) A deeply important conversation I was having yesterday. The subject? In a to-the-death battle, who would win—the Death Star or a Borg Cube. Nearly everyone said, understandably, the Death Star.

Oni, who totally knows about this sort of thing says:

Borg cubes measure 2.2 km to the edge, whereas the death star is the size of a small moon. It carries multiple fleets of fighters, cruisers and troopers. It can take out an entire PLANET in one shot.

It’s a no-brainer.

C’mon though, if a scrappy band of barely trained resistance fighters can take down the Death Star, SURELY the Borg cube (with advance warning) could take that motherfucker OUT!

Also, just FYI, there are approximately 20,000 Borg cubes. Get a fleet of those babies in place and they'd totally score.

Now that the Borg Queen has personally assimilated the wonderful and incredibly strong Doctor Agnes Jurati the Borg are good little fierce cyborgs. They no longer forcefully assimilate humans and they embrace the distinctiveness and individuality of all sentient life forms. Yep, the Borg are now woke. This is good...very good.

So then, the Death Star doesn’t stand a MAGAt’s chance in Cambridge. 

Speaking of MAGAts—could they please be assimilated into the new Borg collective? Now please. I know, the Borg no longer forcefully assimilate but these people are already drones. Wouldn’t it be a mitzvah to replace their hateful and disgusting leader with a sane and judicious queen?