I've got an idea!

Ya know, cheez in a can is not a horrible idea. The problem I have with it is that the pretend cheese is nastily, fluorescently, bland, processed crap. It’s Velveeta style plastic “cheese product” not actual cheese. Awful, awful stuff.

For those of you (us) hellbent on pet conspiracy theories, how about this one:

Big Processed Cheese is engaging in genetic manipulation. Their cheese spray causes zits, butt cancer, wicked constipation, January heat waves in the Yukon and obliterating stupidity. It follows then that the Republi/Fascist party is in the pocket of Big Processed Cheese.

 Of course!  FYI, Marge Trailer-Trash is on the  Big (rancid) Cheese payroll.

What I truly need (honestly, what we ALL need) is handy, easily dispensed REAL cheese in a can. Like a sharp bleu cheese, Gorgonzola, Brie or a mellow Muenster. Spray Brie would entirely eliminate the need for Ritz, Triscuits, saltines, etc.

Crackers, I'm sure you'll agree, are the savory equivalent of cupcakes. The cake portion's only purpose is to serve as an edible transport device for conveying buttercream frosting to your taste buds. Crackers deliver cheese.

Just think how much more simple snacking would be with REAL cheese in a can. No crackers means fewer calories which means I can eat MORE cheese.

Aerosol Gorgonzola would ixnay the need for those sweet little cheese knives too. Fewer items to wash post-gathering means less water used. This means that spray cheese is good for the environment.

Just tip back your head and point a nozzle full of dairy goodness toward your tongue and you’re helping to save the planet while, also, losing weight. This idea is just chockful of win!

This naturally leads us to :

• Spray Hummus
  

• Guacamole in a bucket with a wide bore hose (the guac’s red onion snippets would be too big to slide easily through a spray can nozzle).
  

• Ice makers in fridge doors but, when you press the lever, salsa comes out.
  

• That same ice maker? Margaritas. Why dirty a glass when you can just sidle up to the fridge door?

As you can clearly see, I’m all about water and energy conservation.