Assorted Nonsense

* BREAKING NEWS *
Measles have announced their full endorsement of the RFK Jr./Aaron Rodgers presidential ticket. Spokesmeasle, Clyde Rubeola, stated that "without RFK Jr. and the rest of the Disinformation Dozen, we wouldn't be back in action today." Polio Myelitis, envoy for the Polio Rocks Foundation, agrees wholeheartedly and hopes the Junior/Rodgers team will work as splendidly for them too. "We haven't been at the forefront of disabling Americans since that damn vaccine came out in 1955. With Junior/Rodgers at the helm, we'll be infecting and crippling children once again!"

In related news:
 

Cockroaches now overwhelmingly addicted to Raid. “Really gives me that extra boost I need on Monday mornings,” says Ronnie Roach.

Superman and Lex Luthor bury the Kryptonite hatchet and start dating. "They were always meant to be together. It's a match made on Lexor!" says Lois Lane.


Swan Boats refuse to return to Boston Public Garden later this month siting the city’s insanely high rents, lousy drivers and their own personal dislike of tourists. No surprise.

Minnie Mouse has divorced Mickey—says their marriage was a farce. Claims she and Pluto have been living together since 1962. “He’s a lot more fun, doesn’t smoke and can still get it up.”