Couple Questions

First: Zooma Zooma Zoom

During the height of COVID, more than a few of my MGH visits were conducted via Zoom. Not ideal but these particular appointments were generally follow up discussions on tests already completed (MRIs, bloodwork and other assorted scans). The doc wasn’t examining me for unusual moles, star systems living in my pancreas or the progress of my topical minoxidil hair replacement (with writhing snakes, of course) treatments. Zoom consultations as a stopgap measure were appropriate.

Question—can this be expanded on? That is, can tech evolve such that CAT scans, thyroid tests, EKGs and even urinalysis could be done via Zoom? I mean, the Starfleet Medical Tricorder, TR-560 was featured on Star Trek: The Next Generation which came out in 1987. FFS, that’s 37 goddamn years ago! How hard can it possibly be to hook me in and up?

 Yes, this is all about avoiding the 14 mile, one hour minimum, commute into Mass General. And yes, I need to have my scans and tests done at Super Science Central as opposed to my local, small, underfunded, under-equipped Medicos R Us clinic. 

If the big tech dudes aren’t gonna make Zoom med tests possible anytime soon, what about some elegant and ingenious med vans. You know, like taco trucks only they do CAT scans and bloodwork? (I will concede that MRIs would be too difficult as the machinery would need a semi for transport versus a bread van sized truck)

Hell, combine the two. MGH could have whole fleets of Tacos and Tests Trucks (or Ice Cream and Analysis Vans). Patients (such as yurs truly) could have a tasty snack while awaiting results!
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Second: People with big-ass American flags hanging from their porch or have a special flagpole in their front yard—what’s the deal?

• Do you regularly forget what country you live in and this is to remind yourself?

• Are you afraid that your neighbors aren’t aware that they live in the U.S. and you’re trying to subtly, helpfully inform them?

• Do you have a tendency to time travel at night and so you count the stars each morning to figure out what year you’ve landed in? I only mention it but Hawaii became the 50th state on August 21, 1959. That’s just about 65 years ago. If you see 50 stars the year could be 1959 or 2024. That’s, in people versus geologic time, quite a broad range to narrow down.

Additionally, you could potentially land in 2030 after underpopulated South and North Dakota have finally, sensibly merged—same for similarly low humaned Montana and Wyoming (people vote not land or corporate farms and mines). Puerto Rico and Washington D.C. could be the new 49th and 50th states/stars. Counting stars isn’t going to help you figure out the year.

• I know! I know! At night, while everyone sleeps, the flag flourishers board shuttles to a super seekret MusKKK spaceship which takes them to Mars. They’re going there to pick out and measure their land allotments in anticipation of Space Karen’s Noah-like transport of rich white men (and their classy white female sex workers—they’ll ALL be just like Pretty Woman) to the new world.

The flag in the lawn, the jacked up monster-sized pickup and their star spangled underwear tells the eager-to-be-MusKKK-Martians that they’re on Earth again.

• Possibly you’re a blue dot in an ultra MAGAt Red neighborhood? Is the flag-flying an attempt to throw your gunhumping terrorist neighbors off the scent? I only mention it but MAGAts, likely, will need more than a mere flag as evidence. Maybe if you add some burning crosses and blast Kid Rock and that draft dodging pants shitter’s tunes at 2AM, you’ll be safe?

A friend of mine (hardcore Democrat) told me that his front porch flag (and car bumper sticker) were about taking this once meaningful symbol back from the rightwing, braindead hate cults.

Sorry dude, that ship sailed 40+ years ago.