Disclaimers and Such

I just started this new, slim volume of essays by Jen Mann – it’s a collection from her blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat. 

Yes, I seem to be on a blogs-that-are-NOT-necessarily-all-about-politics roll. THIS is good – my blood pressure is lower, I laugh more and scream less. That’s a plus…right?

I confess that I’ve not gotten past her Author’s Note yet:

All of the names and identifying characteristics of the people who appear in this book have been changed to protect the good, the bad and the ugly. So, if you think you see yourself the pages, please be assured that you are most certainly wrong. These are my stories and this is how I remember them.

This really hit me. Why? I feel I ought to have a disclaimer like this at the top of this here Tell Me a Story collection. Ya know, to disabuse the rare sensitive reader of the notion that I’m targeting them or doing a dox-lite trip.

I’m an old broad and, during this long life, have known a shit-ton of people. I’ve heard and/or witnessed a mega load of tales – good, bad, hilarious and flat-out stupid. Also, just FYI and shit, there are only so many types of tales. Consider this, bitte schön, if I’m telling a story that’s NOT all about me, (rare as that is) the protagonist du jour is more likely than not, an amalgam of everyone I’ve ever known who’s experienced X or pissed me off about Y or fucked up their lives because of Z.

Like Ms. Mann, I assign fictional tags for my figure fusions. I fabricate how I knew/know the admixed character and, more often than not, they’re Orlando-ized.

Though we are all unique beings, we have scads and bucketloads in common – both happy and sad. YOU, my self-recognizing friend, are not the only one to go through your travails. This is why group therapy, AA/NA and yoga classes are so popular.

Back to the limited number of yarns – how many are there? Three? Six? Seven? 36? //shrugs//

Here are seven basic story lines:

1. Overcoming the Monster. (in my case it’s the giant, steaming tumor monsters)
2. Rags to Riches. (if we’re talkin’ simoleons, this ain’t my tale)
3. The Quest.
4. Voyage and Return.
5. Rebirth.
6. Comedy.
7. Tragedy.

There are gobs and heaps of variations on these themes too.

No legacy is so rich as honesty.
~ Shakespeare

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
~ Buddha

Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t goin’ away.
~ Elvis Presley