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Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Funerals are for the Living

Funerals are for the living. If we have not done for the dead while they were yet in flesh, it is too late; let the matter pass at the grave.
~Roeliff Coe Brinkerhoff


I’ve also interpreted this as, since my loved one is gone, it’s a time for those us left behind to remember and celebrate a life lived – a person who was important to us. It’s also a good occasion to show up and be supportive of those who are grieving.

When The Amazing Bob took the last train for the coast, we had an After Party where everyone told their favorite story(ies) about my man. It was more of a celebration of his beautiful life than a mourning of his death.

This, THIS is what I’m down with. Let’s have a good old Irish wake for Pop who, after all, was of more than half Irish ancestry. This should be a celebration – one last party to honor the old man. Break out the Jamo and Cognac (because WHY not!) mes amis!

Why was Daddy not getting the sendoff that I’d prefer:

  • I’m in a teeny tiny minority. Shockingly, most folks are more traditional than me.
  • I can’t go anyway. What?!!! My beloved Daddy and I can't go?

Yup, the drive it too long (10 hours each way) for my still recovering, banjaxed leg.

Ya know how fucked up this is? Wicked.

I want you all to know, when I go, I want a big fat, outrageous party (where at least one person wonders 'how the fuck did I end up in bed with HIM?!'), an hilarious obit and, PLEASE, just drop my stitch riddled, chubby flesh suit in the ocean – I wanna be fish food.

Have some fun, dammit!

These are the days of miracle and wonder
This is the long distance call
The way the camera follows us in slo-mo
The way we look to us all, oh yeah

The way we look to a distant constellation
That's dying in a corner of the sky
These are the days of miracle and wonder
Boy in the Bubble – Paul Simom


  1. I have enjoyed your memories of your dad and your candid views on grief. Thank you for sharing. Letting go of our loved ones, 2 and 4 legged, is hard. It is healing to celebrate a live well lived. I like how you do it!

  2. I've thought about the methodology of disposal of my worldly remains, and came to believe that cremation was the best route. The point being that I could then be poured out from the "Bridge Of The Gods" that connects Oregon and Washington, or if that was too inconvenient for the kids, then a good flushing would do. But now I'm thinking that a more natural approach would do, like being planted au naturale in some farmer's field. Contributing to future crop production seems less selfish...

    "When The Amazing Bob took the last train for the coast."

    "And the three men I admire most the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, they caught the last train for the coast. The day the music died" Yeah Don Mclean's American Pie is what I hope would be played...

    1. We poured TAB's ashes into the ground and planted a cherry a cherry tree over top. He always liked to feed the birds. I figured he could continue to do so and he does.

      A playlist for my After Part Might be a million miles long. I think it;d start with The Sape of Things by The Jeff Beck Group though.