Idiran Envy

An excerpt from Iain Banks’ Considering Phlebas:

Sometimes she (Fal, a young woman of the utopian space society The Culture—not to be confused with The Clash) felt a sneaking envy for the Idirans; they got over it (sex); after awhile it no longer mattered. They were dual hermaphrodites, each half of the couple impregnating the other, each usually bearing twins. After one, occasionally two pregnancies—and weanings—they changed from their fertile breeder stage to become warriors.

Opinions were divided on whether they increased intelligence or just underwent a personality alteration. Certainly they became more cunning but less open-minded, more logical but less imaginative, more ruthless, less compassionate.

The Idirans really had it all going on…sort of. I mean, with a few generous tweaks and moderations, this beats the hell out of our troublesome human bullshit. Of course the Idirans aren’t exactly pretty. I imagine this makes everything a lot more simple as well.

Now then,  given that humans are limited to two genders, if I could’ve picked my birth sex, I expect I’d have chosen male. It would’ve made mia madre ridiculously happy. Recall, bitte sehr, that convo I overheard where she told a friend that her and Daddy ‘will keep trying until we get it right’—i.e. until they had a boy. I would’ve been treated like a prince, just like my brother .

Assuming a different time line—NOT an alternative universe, as a boy, some stuff would remain the same. I’d be a failure at sports, bullied to hell and back and my social skills would still blow Godzilla wang. Just like in this reality, I would excel in music, the arts and a finely crafted insult.

Another dream of my mother’s—the priesthood. I would’ve made a truly horrendous one though. Ya see, I prefer willing, adult sex partners.

Frankly, I would’ve disappointed her no matter what. My folks conceived a free spirit—certainly unintentional on Lucy’s part. With this in mind, I strongly believe there should have/should be a third gender choice—a middlesex.

Hells bells, why wait for post-menopausal years to be able to do, wear, rock whatever you want. Be born this way! I was.

The middlesex wouldn’t be bound by any societal gender expectations. Yeah, you wanna wear a tux to the prom but look kinda girlish? You do it the fuck up! Question: do Idirans have proms?

Middlesex could be only attracted to one of the three genders or they could enjoy making the beast with two backs (or more) with any of the three (depending on the day and weather). Whatever! Nobody’s biz but your own.

The point of the story, wouldn't it be nice not to to fuss and worry about being attractive enough or nice enough or whatever enough. We all waste too damn much of our youth on that shit.