Poseidon Adventure

Did you read about the recent dolphin attacks on humans off Suishohama beach in Japan?

Signs have been put up telling swimmers to avoid approaching or touching the mammals.

While dolphins are not usually aggressive to humans, hostility towards swimmers is not unheard of.

Scientists have suggested that wild bottlenose dolphins find swimming alongside humans "incredibly stressful," finding evidence that it disrupts their behavioural routines.

In the Republic of Ireland, two women were injured in the space of ten days in 2013 by the same dolphin, including one who suffered from a broken rib.
A year later five swimmers had to be rescued off the Irish coast when a dolphin encircled them aggressively. (source) 

We have orcas attacking yachts, otters commandeering surfboards and now dolphins are going full blown mano a mano. Clearly the residents of the sea are mad as hell and not taking our shit anymore. Who could possibly blame them? Not I!

By the by, otters live on land and in the water. A couple years back, a gang of 20 otters (possibly pissed off at a jogger who had just run through their gathering) attacked a man who had the misfortune of walking by the group moments after the rude runner. You know, we humans all look alike to other earth occupants AND we're a famously assholic species—who could fault the otters for standing their ground? Not yurs truly!

In that same year there was a series of otter gang attacks on humans and dogs in Alaska.

Most otters never display this strong a reaction to dogs or people. By and large, they are curious animals, but not typically aggressive toward people or dogs," Battle said. "It’s possible there was some sort of incident involving a dog that led them down this path, after which the otters learned to take aggressive action against dogs, but it’s impossible to say." (source)

Recommendations on what to do in case of an orca attack? Stop the boat, leave the rudder loose (orcas just love rudders), radio for help and stay calm. I have a better idea, keep your goddamn yachts out of the motherfucking ocean! Surfers? Stay away from otter beaches. If you’re on land and happen on an otter gathering? Walk the other way! Give the wee beasties space fer fuck’s sake. Otters are adorable as all hell but they’re not anything like your precious, fluffy Bichon Frise. Don't expect that cutesy bullshit from them.

Dolphins, in case you were unaware, are not like Flipper or those trained slaves that you may’ve seen at SeaWorld. They may appear to be smiling and happy but they’re totes not. How would you feel about being taken from your home, held against your will and cruelly trained to perform tricks? Not all happy/smiley, I'm guessing.

Dolphins in captivity are often subjected to physical and psychological abuse in order to make them perform the tricks they are trained to do. In some cases, the dolphins may be deprived of food or water in order to make them perform better. (source)

Here in Valhalla, we’re all completely down with our beleaguered sea brethren. In fact, Ten and I have been discussing a possible move to Atlantis. Sadly though, on googling, I’ve found that Atlantis may be fictional. This is NOT what Marvel Comics has lead me to believe. I need to speak to the manager about this posthaste!

Maybe I could send an email directly to Poseidon? Ya know, I could petition him for an entry visa or something.