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Monday, May 20, 2024

Insults with Style

There are so many people who deserve to be thoroughly, resoundingly insulted and mocked. Von ShitzInPantz is, of course, at the top of the list but thee's an endless list of fools vying for next-in-line spot.

Take Madge Twatzilla Greene, Puppy Killer Noem, Lauren Gropert (AKA Handy Oakley) or Elise Shit-stack Stefanik (who has a permanent home in Cheato’s vast fecal caverns but now maintains a weekend/vacation place in Netanyahu’s nether regions). There’s Comer Fudd, his best bud, the useless clown Gym Jordan and Actively-Evil Abbott of Texas…to name just a few slam deserving malevolent fools.

I like to, generally speaking, avoid dissing cretinous imbeciles looks. I want to dodge the unfortunate physical aspects that can’t be helped. e.g.: Abbott’s in a wheelchair, Jordan is extremely height challenged, Comer and Stefanik were, sadly, born without any pleasant or attractive features at all (bowls of mashed potatoes are more appealing because at least, with seasoning and butter, they’re edible). Puppy Killer, Boobert and Greene are basically physically healthy and average looking.

Cosmetic enhancements are fair game. That includes Noem’s and Booby’s chestical additions and all their facial plastics. Greene’s iron pumping physique and bad, bleach job are in play too.

Tangerine Id’s toddler level makeup application and elaborate hair sculpture are definitely equitable targets. I hesitate on dissing Donnie Boy’s weight but I’m waffling. The man’s famously lazy as hell, primarily consumes high calorie crap that's nearly empty of nutrition. He built that obese, saggy skin suit he’s waddling around in.

What’s left in my insult arsenal if I leave out Cheato’s weight?

Can I call him a musk ox scented thundercunt? The word thundercunt is adaption of the not-OK-in-the-USA term 'cunt.' It’s used in situations where ‘cunt’ is simply not harsh enough.

Cunt is a term used mainly in the UK by both men and women as a term for stupid or idiotic, often with the word "right" used as an adjective before it.
Standing there in that hat I felt like a right cunt. (source)
Thundercunt is next level. It's intended to describe someone who commits heinous fuckery and causes extreme offense. Additionally, saying it is great way to release frustration and anger.

Thundercunt is best employed when faced with a person acting like such a cunt, that they alter the Earth's meteorological behavior, resulting in near-apocalyptic storms with lethal levels of thunder. This is the worst level of cunt you can achieve.

What about slams that don’t touch on a person’s looks?

There’s my old Monty Python favorite:
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.
And other assorted creative castigations and vilification such as:

  • You have the personality and reek of a spew filled paper bag after a meal of haggis burritos.
  • You’re a tiny-brained Renfield who obsequiously cleans op other people's shitty asses!
  • The closest you'll come to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.
  • Your speech was nothing but oxygen thievery.
  • I envy everyone who will never have to meet you.
  • You're as useful as a cheesecloth tea pot.
  • You’re as appealing as rancid buffet shrimp.
  • You’re nothing but a dull stop on an apocalypse bus tour.
  • You have all the charm of a crash test dummy.
  • Your gene pool needs more chlorine and a better lifeguard.
  • Our parents told us we could be anything, and you chose:
  1. natural disaster
  2. speed bump
  3. toilet bowl filled with loose stools after a big Mexican dinner
  4. ground zero of nuclear explosion
  5. narcoleptic fart factory

For the record, I’m on Team Crockett. Unlike the bullying, bleach blond, bullshit spewer from Georgia, Democratic Rep. Jasmine Crockett of Dallas has grace, intelligence, and a lightening fast wit. She has the ability to dance through MAGA lies and absurd slams like Baryshnikov and Hines.