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Sunday, May 19, 2024

Hairy Butthead

That's Taylor Swift’s boyfriend’s teammate. You know, the one who went all Handmaid's Tale in a commencement speech at some ultra conservative Catholic college in the Midwest? Oh wait, I remember his name now—Harrison Buttker. What?! Close enough.

First off—what's most important is that we are each free to decide for ourselves how we live our very own lives. You wanna be a stay at home mom? Do it up. A lot of us working class Joes and Jeans don’t have the luxury of not working a job. If I had? I’ve never been a Suzy Homemaker type, nor did I want children. Nope, I would’ve been in the studio painting, sculpting and marketing my creations. Sure, I could’ve/would’ve cleaned house and ordered in fine dinners for spouse and I to enjoy but kids? Nope, cats are better.

In front of the crowd of about 485 male and female graduates, Butker suggested that a woman’s accomplishments in the home are more valuable than any academic or professional goals. 

I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you,” he said. 

“How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.  (source

Wait a minute, women can be more than broodmares and bangmaids? Yeah, that's one hell of a "diabolical lie," you ridiculously tiny-brained intellectual failure.

I have to remember that this man is 28 years old with astoundingly little to no life experience outside of his exceedingly comfortable, well-to-do, football hero childhood. When you grow up white, male, healthy and wealthy, life looks pretty easy, clear cut and simple. I guess.

Seems pretty clear to me that Mister Football Kicker is deeply insecure in his *ROAR* big man manliness. Also, he seems  to have woefully unresolved mommy issues. Is he pissed off that she's a medical physicist at Emory University in Atlanta? Was she not home coddling him enough? Did she not serve him enough hot outta the oven chocolate chip cookies? Was he embarrassed when his friends asked about her? Yeah, *kicks dirt with toe of his tennis shoe* my mom’s a stupid radiation oncologist. She should be home baking ME cakes and knitting ME sweaters.

Is this possible resentment the spark that lights his women-belong-at-home-making-babies-and-sammiches fire? He’s said that "growing up my mom was my biggest supporter, guiding me to be the man I needed to become…” Is this just his bogus sportsball cliché interview spiel?

Butt Boy has also:

rebuked U.S. President Joe Biden for being a Catholic who supports abortion rights, critiqued "degenerative cultural values and media," called on women to focus on marriage, and told graduating men to fight against the "cultural emasculation of men." (source)
“Cultural emasculation of men?” Oh honey, show us on the doll where the big bad Culture took away your steel hard, rock solid manliness. Jesus, what an insecure child. Is this why he chooses to play a sport that’s no more than a thinly disguised war game FOR A LIVING? Through her work, his mother is saving lives—what does his job add to the world around us? Nothing. He makes vast truckloads of dosh for kicking a ball.

The most exhausting thing in life is being insecure.
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
It’s great that his little football job pays so obscenely well that his wife doesn’t need to work outside the home. They probably have nannies and maids too. She has the choice to do whatever she wants (or does she?).

The vast majority of us Vagina Americans don’t have the same wealth infused options.

Buttker, who gives off serious I’m-afraid-everyone’s-laughing-about-my-microscopic-dick-and-low-intelligence vibes, says “As men, we set the tone of the culture.

Sure Hairy, in your dreams.

“This wasn’t a case of foot-in-mouth. It was a well-prepared speech,” wrote columnist Sam McDowell in the Kansas City Star. “Women listening in the audience, rather than being rewarded with a diploma on graduation day, were made to listen as he promoted the role of homemaker — not as an acceptable choice, but as their duty as a husband’s servant. (source)

What a colossal, if well tailored, douche.

We are the hero of our own story.
~ Mary McCarthy


  1. that might be the worst failure-to-read-the-room on record.

  2. that might be the worst case of failure-to-read-the-room on record.

  3. Money aside isn't this popinjay's role on the team, regardless of stats, sort of seen as the 'participation trophy' position? I mean, these guys are hardly ever on the DL unless they sprain an ankle -- how manly!

    1. His parents must be so disappointed. Not only did their turn out dim but sadly well known. If I were them I’d change my name. Participation trophy is dead on!