Whack Impairment

I THINK I’m a lazy slag.

I THINK I’m Jabba-esque.

I THINK I’m viciously mean and intolerant towards Tea Party/Republicans and Purity Posse types.

Reality is quite different. I know that.

• I’m in no feckin' way lazy.
• While toting a few too many pounds, I’m NOT, figure-wise, giving that Tatooinen slug a run for his money.For what it's worth, I look better in a bathing suit than him. Honest!
• While yes, I will cut assholes off at the knee, I give them a shit ton of rope first. I’m kind. I generally err on the way too diplomatic side even when it’s knee cutting time. I give assholes a chance to shine. When they prove incapable of civilized behavior? Well, boyhowdy, at that point I block, I cut them loose but I try to do it without breakin’ out the long knives. Really.  

My self image is way outta whack lately. How can I combat Illogical Self Concept Syndrome?

• Re: my Laziness Hypothesis? I can keep an action diary to keep track of all that I accomplish each day. (and then read it later to remind myself!)
• My Woolly Mammoths Are Svelte Compared to You Fixation? I can brave the scale – weigh myself each morning and look in the goddamned mirror. You know, witness the evidence. This along with continued sensible eating AND exercise. Of course.
• Re: the Predatory Mean Girl Theory? Once more, I can check the evidence. Almost all of my communication is now written – I can check the text.

WHY am I a flaw finding demon to myself lately? Eh, all the usual reasons. Yesterday’s nagging, scold ogre flared when I realized that, over this past month, I’ve ONLY gone to the gym four days out of seven versus five or six. **GASP** Mind you, I get a full workout in – including stretching, I don’t stop at the donut counter on my way out and this lull in my gym rattiness has been slight and temporary.

An aside: WHY does the Y have a donut stand?! Coffee? Yes, I understand but rings of frosted fried dough?!!! Isn’t that kind of ALL cross purpose-y?

Whenever I’d get like this The Amazing Bob would yell at me (GENTLY), telling me to cut myself a break and stop being so hard on myself. He’d remind me of all that I am accomplishing every day. That and he’d heartily suggest that it’s OK and good to take a day off now and then. Smart, wonderful, giving man, my TAB. Now that he’s gone, I gotta learn how to do this shit for myself.

Can I just have him back instead?