Keep On Fighting

A dear friend said this to me yesterday – keep on fighting – it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Given how abysmally awful this year has been – politically, plague-wise, general family shit, my increasingly crap health – it’s so damn easy to sink into an All Is Lost mindset.

I’m NOT near death. Mind you, all things considered, at 62 years of age I’m closer to it than I was at 22 BUT I ain’t there yet! This year of surgeries, seizures (I’m up to five now) and ridiculously slow and constantly interrupted recoveries has triggered visceral memories of The Amazing Bob’s last four or five years. He became so damn weary of the ongoing battle with his bod. He dreaded going to MGH, even for routine appointments. TAB was afraid the docs would find new fucked up body-system shit and they wouldn’t let me take him home – which, often enough, was the case.

Yeah, I can totally relate.

On his last, supposedly routine visit, they kept him and he died –– twice.

I dreamed last night that he was still alive but, for some banjaxed health related reason (mine or his? unclear) we had to live separately. Me in the Davis Square neighborhood of Somerville (or Slumberville as Tom Gardon called it) and TAB in some distant, bucolic exurb. I was, of course, devastated until learning that we could be together for one day out of each week. Better than nothing and sorta, kinda Persephone-esque, no?

Back at yesterday’s MGH stay – the nasopharyngeal swab test showed that I don’t have Plague45 OR the flu. Yes, the test is notoriously inaccurate for COVID but, with all the other exams (including a chest X-ray which came up clean), I believe I’m in the clear. YEA me, eh?

My anti-seizure meds have been upped, I’ve emailed my ace neuro-minder to see if the extant plan (managing my meningioma with meds until spring) will be changed or tweaked or are we steady on. My left leg’s strength has mostly returned and I will get back on track today with strength building PT exercises, walking and ellipticaling. I’m not goin’ down without a big-ass motherfucking fight..FFS.

One nice thing about Thursday's early morning ambulance ride – I was wearing my fave jammies. Yes, I had on an oversized lavender Fratelli’s T and my tie dyed thermal leggings. I was seriously stylin!

And anotha thing – my stay was shorter than last time. I was back home in Nap Central by noon. AWESOME! Plus, my ER time was spent in a cubby versus parked on a hallway gurney. More awesomeness.

Lastly, here’s a big sign that you’re getting older and not quite bristling with good health – I’ve graduated to the Senior pill box. It’s bigger AND has AM and PM slots. How long before I start watching Lawrence Welk and enjoying elevator music?

 Just FYI, it is GOOD to be home AND this tune is running the track in my bean right now.